9th December 2009

Drowning in the undertow

posted in Alaska, Arizona, Winter |

OmegaDotter and I are slated to go visit GrannyJ between Christmas and New Year’s.  OmegaBro will be there with his family, so we’ll have plenty of fun—lots of visiting, good eats, hanging out, playing with cousins, day trips.

Last year, my visit to Arizona was before Christmas.  The year before, it was before Christmas.  This year, it is after.

And, oh, lordy, what a difference it makes.

I have hit the wall.  I am drowning in the darkness.  I held out as long as I could, and was in fairly good spirits.  Somewhere in the past week, however, my body recognized that It Is Dark, and shut down.  I wake up and am totally, absolutely exhausted.  I could sleep all day long.  When I’m awake, I feel like I’m just going through the motions.  And today the tide of darkness swept over me, and all I felt was miserable.  Totally, absolutely, miserable.  Lead ball in the stomach miserable.  Bitchy, snappy, petty, angry, and underneath it all, on the verge of tears miserable.

Yes, the Magic Light helps.  Yes, the little blue pills help.  But they’re not enough.

Yes, the solstice is coming, and soon the light will be growing and the darkness will be shrinking.  But right now, that doesn’t help.

This is the time when I need to be going somewhere with more than six hours of daylight, with the sun more than 6 degrees over the horizon.  Rumor has it that the Nords and the Swedes are grim and gloomy during the winter—I can totally relate.

Just four weeks.  I can handle four weeks.  Two weeks to the solstice, three weeks until I’m in Arizona for a week, then back here and the days will start getting longer.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 9th, 2009 at 12:17 am and is filed under Alaska, Arizona, Winter. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

There are currently 8 responses to “Drowning in the undertow”

  1. 1 On December 9th, 2009, Jen said:

    Ooof. I hear ya about the dark. And I’m only in Michigan and it’s getting to me. I cannot even imagine how bad it is in Alaska. Hang in there!

  2. 2 On December 9th, 2009, JaneM said:

    Great sympathy for your darkness (both internal and external). Hang in there!

  3. 3 On December 9th, 2009, GrannyJ said:

    Actually, it’s just 18 days til you arrive in (hopefully) sunny AZ. Yes, we had a (for us) big storm, with lots of trees knocked down by the wind, but the next morning, there was a sun reflecting off the snow. And remember, too, that you have Norse ancestors, which should help in the stamina (if not the dark broodiness) corner of yr psyche. As for me, I can hardly wait.

  4. 4 On December 9th, 2009, 3cmum said:

    Hang on in there…we’re in the grey and dark UK and I am counting the days till we arrive in AZ for XMAS (yes mum is in PHX)for some SUN. My littlest keeps asking why is the moon still in the sky at 9am still? I don’t kn ow how you survive where you are! But its almost at its end..

  5. 5 On December 9th, 2009, noreen said:

    Here in Western New York we have such little daylight and on grey and overcast days it’s even less. It’s nothing as bad as Alaska, but one of the reasons I like the coming of January and February is that the daylight increases. We only get it in seconds, but you get it in minutes. Do seed and gardening catalogs help? Those are in the mail box come January.

  6. 6 On December 10th, 2009, preTzel said:

    I’m sorry to hear this Kate. I know each year you struggle with this and I wish there was something I could do to alleviate your pain. :o( From someone who fears the dark I can totally relate. I’d be beyond bonkers.

  7. 7 On December 11th, 2009, Anne said:

    Thinking about you here in the Midwest too and hoping that the time flies by until you hit the road/sky for AZ.

  8. 8 On December 12th, 2009, Trope said:

    Oh, hang in there. I have got way more light than you have (in Chicago) but I still have to rely on the little blue pills and am still counting the days until the solstice. I’m considering doubling down on the pills until March or so… Only a few more weeks, I know you can do it. Hope you hit the home stretch soon.

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