Talk to the hand…
posted in Funny, Livestock and Pets, OmegaDad, Weird |Many years ago, when the dotter was three, she and OmegaDad went on a daddy-daughter date to Jackson’s Grill, a fairly nice restaurant back in Small Mountain University Town. Of course, being “fairly nice” means it’s also “fairly slow”, and after they had ordered, and eaten all the bread and rolls, and were waiting for dinner, the dotter, being three, got antsy. OmegaDad did this, that, and the other to try to keep her occupied, but she was still fretting, and still hungry. In a moment of desperate inspiration, he grabbed a big linen napkin from the table, wrapped it around his hand and tied a knot, leaving the extra fabric standing straight up as ears, and said, “Hello…” in a nasal voice.
The dotter was entranced.
Thus was Sheepie born.
Think of Sheepie as a low-rent version of Lambchop. If you don’t know who Lambchop was, I don’t want to know: it means you’re way too young. He has a very distinct personality.
Sheepie was just between the dotter and OmegaDad for quite a while, but then he started making an appearance now and then at the dinner table, and became quite the standby attraction during Eleven Minutes, the flexibly-timed daddy-daughter playtime between dinner and bedtime. (Why is it “eleven minutes”, and not, say, a nice even number such as “ten”? This is one of OmegaDad’s little quirks [just like Sheepie]; he doesn’t like “nice even numbers”, and insists on programming the microwave for 53 seconds, rather than 60 seconds.)
Nowadays, we find ourselves talking to Sheepie everywhere.
Let me rephrase that: I find myself talking to Sheepie everywhere. My husband, of course, is Sheepie, but he converses with Sheepie also. Sheepie will pop up to make silly commentary at odd moments, such as while we’re shopping, or when we’re at restaurants, or driving.
Sheepie has taken to making risque asides to me while playing with the dotter. I can kiss OmegaDad, and Sheepie gets jealous. I can kiss Sheepie, and he swoons gracefully onto the nearest flat surface, while OmegaDad rolls his eyes.
What can I say? We’re weird.
Anyway, while OmegaDad was being prepped for his colonoscopy, he was flirting with the nurse, and somehow they got off on the subject of chickens. Somewhere during the conversation, he managed to mention that he’s a relaxed kind of guy because he talks to chickens. And everyone should talk to chickens; there would be a lot fewer wars and ugliness if everyone just took some time to talk to chickens. The nurse took it all in stride.
That evening, Sheepie poked his head over my shoulder and started flirting with me while I was working on the computer. Both OmegaDad and I had the same thought at the same instant: Just imagine the nurse’s response if he told her he held conversations with his hand all the time?
She thought talking with chickens was weird enough.
Have I mentioned I love my husband?
