Comments on: Mommy, dotter, and OmegaMom

By: tinak

tinak — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 16:17:53 +0000

thank you for this post. my daughter is 6-1/2, adopted at 14mths from china. not enough time to say how much of your post resonated with me. esp the bit about worrying that every angry moment will trigger abandonment, and just the shear fact of losing my temper.. so so helpful to hear others who struggle with these moments… how DO we ever know if it’s ‘attachment’ or ‘normal development’… anyway, thanks. i esp liked your post about your dotter ‘choosing’ you… i’ll keep reading!

By: OmegaMom

OmegaMom — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 06:59:33 +0000

[...] between various posts like this, and this, and this. And all of these. That last specific one, by the way, was all of nine days [...]

By: ser

ser — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 23:12:01 +0000

I just found your blog through American Family. I am from Alaska–born there and lived there until I moved for grad school–and now I live near AmFam in the midwest (though I haven’t met her in person yet). Anyway, just wanted to say that it is a small world, and also that my six year old is a total smartass right now, too.

By: Kat

Kat — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 16:05:37 +0000

Not to minimize the very real adoption issues, but sometimes I think that sometimes I think what looks like an adoption issue may just be a kid being a kid. For example, most kids probably have a time when they think their parents are horrible and fantasize about having different parents; adopted kids just have a ready-made fantasy available to them. Or the teen who shouts “I wish you weren’t my mother!”….the adopted teen gets to add that extra barb “You aren’t my mother!” Again, I’m not saying that adoptees don’t have really grief and abandonment issues that need to be dealt with, but I do think that as parents, we sometimes need to step back and remind themselves that we’d probably be dealing with this no matter how our families were made.

By: Theresa

Theresa — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 15:09:19 +0000

The other day dd said she was going to make signs saying “My mommy is a big meany!” and post them around the neighborhood. I figured -hey-at least she is trying to write on her own:) I never liked the attitude of parents who counted down the days until school started but I have been counting down the days since the beginning of August. We hit that point midway through the summer where she needs to be with her new teacher and have to listen to another adult.

Dh and I both always do the bedtime routine together but I usually hang out longer and dd often asks questions about things impt to her. A couple nights ago she started with “How do they know such and such date is my birthday?” and then a few minutes later she throws out “Who is my real mom?” So the conversation went from explaining that “they” know the date she was found but had to guess about her bday-to the fact that she has had 3 moms-her birthmom-her foster mom-and me.

I’m just happy that she feels comfortable opening up to me. I remember reading things like this on APC too and it does seem like bedtime brings out these thoughts.

Your posts about the dotter always make me smile because they echo so much of what I am seeing and I don’t feel like such a Big Meany;)

By: Elaine

Elaine — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 01:48:18 +0000

Same same here. She’ll be 7 in November. I’m hoping the snot-nosedness will stop then. The birthmom stuff is very hard for her to talk about. Me too.

By: Jess

Jess — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 00:43:09 +0000

My daughter will be six TOMORROW and, yeah, has the attitude, etc. perfect. And by perfect, I mean awful. And no matter how many times I remind myself that I am the freaking grownup here, I still end up yelling. Sigh.

She also, not too long ago, showed her first signs of grief over her adoption, talking about how much she missed her first mom, and how upset she is that she (daughter) will never get to see her (first mom).

By: lizard

lizard — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 23:22:08 +0000

mine turns six in just under one month. Sassy… check. Mouthy…. check. Bratty…. check. Whiny as all get out, usually about either something we would never say no to (I need to go pottttttyyyyyyy) or something she can damned well do herself (like this morning, when she couldn’t get her pajama top off easily enough and devolved into a whining shrill horrible brat, and I turned onto the Bitch Mommy. Again)…. check. Crying at the drop of a hat….. check.

Yep. we’ve got all the symptoms for sure.

I think the scariest thing about the birthmother stuff is that feeling of powerlessness, how you can’t prove that her birthmother wouldn’t be perfect and let her get away with everything all the time. And you can’t even really try. It is so difficult. I know you’ll all come through, though. I know it.

By: Liana

Liana — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 17:19:15 +0000

So this is what I have to look forward to? Goodness!

By: Lauri

Lauri — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 15:11:59 +0000

Yep.. we got the sassy thing going on here. I love what your hubby said about the ice cream and comfort food analogy…. my daughter and I seem to have that same type of ying yang relationship these days.. there are moments that she is so sweet, kind and genuine and then she is a total pill and brings out this beastly losing my shit Mom…. the type of Mom I never in a million years thought I could be…

Uggh.. I just want it to get easier..