Adoption ranting alert!
Whoop! Whoop! WHOOP! Brrrp…brrrp…brrrp…brrrp!
At this point in family life, I normally let the usual mainstream media faux pas (tell me how to pluralize that? Please?!) about adoption pass me by. At this point, life is less about Deep Musings About Adoption and more about how to survive the few weeks at the end of school year that are jam-packed with stuff like "Teacher Appreciation Week" (please bring a dish–Monday is breakfast, have it there by 8:30!, Tuesday is casseroles, Wednesday is sandwiches–but the staff are bringing the makings so don’t bother, Thursday is salads, and Friday is desserts) and "The Kindergarden Circus" (in which the dotter is being–natch–a "prancing horse"–and they really need volunteers to help sell popcorn before the circus) and ballet picture day (scheduled for the middle of the morning? Oh, well, at least it’s not in the middle of school, since school ends two days before) and Ballet Recital Madness (update: no, littlies don’t need to be there at oh-dark-thirty and stay for 24 hours straight, thank heavens!).
In other words, general adoption stuff has taken a back-burner to Real Life.
(Which is not to say "general adoption stuff" doesn’t happen, and isn’t important. It does, and it is. It’s just that what pops into the ol’ noggin to write about tends to be more on the panicky side than on the thinking deeply side.)
But when egregious mainstream media cluelessness attacks, I just have to sit up and take notice.
Brought to my attention by two adoption bloggers is this little lovely: The category in the Mother’s Day TV special "America’s Favorite Mom" that is called–wait for it–"Non-Mom Moms".
I had a few "non-mom moms" in my life. There was Aunt Lou, my mom’s best friend. There was Mrs. Crysanthemum, who lived next door to my paternal grandparents, and who stunned me, absolutely stunned me, when she announced to me, at 16, that I should stop calling her "Mrs. Crysanthemum" and call her by her first name. It took me years to be able to follow that request without feeling both awkward and disrespectful. These were women who spent a lot of time with me, disciplined me, gave me hugs, fed me, let me have adventures with their kids, knew me from the time I was a wee chee-ild until I was a grown adult.
I never, ever though of Mrs. Libby, who lived on the other side of my grandparents and had an adopted kiddo, as a "non-mom mom". Honest! She was just Jarrett’s mom.
NBC and its minions, though, would place her (and me, and every other adoptive mommy on earth) smack dab into that category.
There it is, in all it’s glory, among the "semi-finalists" in the category "Non-Mom Moms": "She was an adopted child who is now mom to her own daughter, plus six adopted children who started life as "meth babies"."
First off, even by their skewed standards, she’s a "mom mom": she has "her own daughter".
OmegaDotter, of course, is not "my own daughter". I’m just play-acting mommy for her.
Secondly, there’s that old cliche, the "crack baby", recycled as the "meth baby".
Thirdly, she’s not being a "mom" to those adopted children, oh no. She’s being a "non-mom mom".
Sweet Kozmik All above. Don’t these people think? Don’t they have any concept of what "adoption" is? Don’t they realize how they’ve dissed all the adoptive moms in their audience by that casual sweep of the semantic hand that dusts adoptive moms off into the "non-mom mom" dustbin?
Gah. Get a grip, NBC. My dotter has two moms, and they’re equally valid and important in my dotter’s life. (Which I will talk about on Mother’s Day, I think.)
Frick-frackin’ rowrbazzlin’ dim-witted dismissive twits.