Comments on: Birthmother. Birthmother, birthmother, birthmother.

By: Kate

Kate — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 01:16:26 +0000

Hi, O;

Catching up on your entries, in case you’re wondering why the multiple comments….

I was unconscious when I had my baby. For all I know she’s not mine.

She doesn’t look like me.
Doesn’t like the things I like.
Switched at birth?

Perhaps. Doesn’t matter, now. We have bonded and that is what keeps us all strong through life.

Please! Lose that term of birth Mother right now. Anyone can have a baby. Raising a happy one? Well, that’s another matter. You’re a good Mom. ‘Nuff said.

And, bein’ a Mom is hard work.

= kate

By: Miss Cellania

Miss Cellania — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 21:14:56 +0000

Talking about a birthmother is easy. Hearing your kid refer to her as “my real mother” is hard. I didn’t lose it, but I felt like dying a little inside. After hearing that a few times, I called her on it. (She’s ten years old.) I think she now understands that, although her views on this subject are priority, there are other people involved.

By: Margaret

Margaret — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 02:21:24 +0000

We haven’t quite reached this point yet (Pippi is only two and a half), but we have done a lot of talking about where DD was born. She knows she and her brother were born in China and that the rest of her (a)family wasn’t. Soon, she’ll ask more about HOW she was born and I think that will be the time I explain about her birth/first family.

I am worried about her reaction though. I don’t give a crap about the whole “sharing her with another mother” thing. That never troubled me. What I worry about is that she’ll ask me where they are and if we can go see them. I’ll have to explain that we really can’t just go do that. I’m not sure how that whole conversation will go. Ultimately both of my children will come to the understanding that their parents may never be locatable. It’s devastating.

By: Jean

Jean — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 20:47:12 +0000

Hooray for you. That’s the way to go. Five gold stars for you, (snerk).

By: Christine

Christine — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 18:57:33 +0000

Couldn’t agree more.

By: D

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 16:28:07 +0000

Tummylady? WTF? What’s the birthfather? Penisdude? (oops, hope I didn’t ruin the G rating of your blog…)

Birthmom and birthfather. It’s simple. Somehow it’s harder for me in German (Geburtsmutter sounds awkward), but I’ll stick with it, anyway.

By: mary

mary — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 16:11:09 +0000

Great post — I completely agree. My kids each have 2 moms — it is fact. It also is vital that I am comfortable with that fact so I also started practicing when they were babies. I also practiced my reaction for the “you’re not my real mom” and when it happened it didn’t phase me a bit. This is about our kids NOT us, they need us to be ok with their other mothers. My daughter feels comfortable having me hold her while she cries that she misses her mother — if I was defensive she would hold the sorrow inside which would hurt her even more.

By: Spacemom

Spacemom — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 16:10:17 +0000

The phrase in our house is “Food goes in your tummy, not babies. Babies grow in your womb or uterus” (Soleil is hooked on womb…she thinks it’s a cool word!)

Tummy mommy? Pul-ease

By: Blog Antagonist

Blog Antagonist — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 13:27:49 +0000

I’m not an adoptive parent, as you know, and I’m not big on euphemisms in general. However, that one strikes me as particularly icky, as it seems to really diminish the role that a very real human being has played in bringing a child into the world.

Good on ya for calling a spade a spade.

By: Sparky

Sparky — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 12:39:12 +0000

There are plenty of people who object to the term birth mother for the very same reasons. In our house we use lots of different terms…first mom natural mom, birth mom, bio mom,, mom in China etc, etc (not that Grace really understands this yet as she’s only 18 months old). It is a complex thing this adoption stuff and I don’t think there is one right way for everyone.