3rd November 2007

Pre-Teen Wasteland

posted in Family, Frustration, OmegaDotter, Parenting |

I said at the tail end of yesterday’s post that I had thought of, but discarded, the idea of doing a post based on “Teenage Wasteland”.

I have reconsidered.  I pulled that post idea out of the dustbin.

Please.  Please.  PUH-leeze tell me that almost-six-year-olds are demons sent to earth to torment us?  Please.

I love my darling OmegaDotter.  I really, truly do.

But y’know what?  Awful confession time:  Right now, I just don’t like being with her.

She is:  snotty.  Whiny.  Snippy.  Tantrummy.  Rude.  Disrespectful.  Mean.  Self-centered.  Sassy.

Just plain horrid.

Like the girl with the curl in the middle of her forehead…”When she was good, she was very, very good.  But when she was bad…

“She was horrid.”

She is being so horrid that even OmegaDad, in whose eyes she can (generally) do no wrong, has decided that she is whiny, sassy, mean, rude, disrespectful, etc.

I find myself thinking that we have utterly failed.  That we’ve raised a hellion.  A brat.  That we should never have been entrusted with raising a child, because we’re obviously so bad at it.

The worst of it?  Is that, apparently, she’s just a doll at school and at before/after school care.  She saves all this shit for us.  Bah.

Okay, it seems worst because it’s hurtful.  It’s actually not worst, because at least she’s not behaving like a snotty little brat with the rest of the world.

Then Ms. Hyde disappears for a while and Dr. Jekyll reappears, and all is sweetness and light and fun and pleasant.  She hands me notes that say, “To Mommy, Love OmegaDotter”, and that have little “I ♥ you”s scattered about.  She glows at me when she is done with her gymnastics class.  She sings silly songs at me when we’re driving from OmegaDad’s office to her before-school place.  She draws and builds elaborate creations.  Bit by bit, she’s reading.  She can make us laugh like crazy.

And then Ms. Hyde reappears.

My only hope is that I can recall a few younger relatives who were absolute pills at the age of five or six, and who have turned out to be model citizens and fairly nice all-around human beings as adults.

This entry was posted on Saturday, November 3rd, 2007 at 7:12 pm and is filed under Family, Frustration, OmegaDotter, Parenting. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

There are currently 11 responses to “Pre-Teen Wasteland”

  1. 1 On November 3rd, 2007, Sister Carrie said:

    There’s a theory — I think it’s from Gesell — that the even ages are periods of “disequilibrium” and the odd ages are more agreeable. It’s possible. Look at this: http://www.odessa.edu/dept/psyc/wells/2308/fall/gh.htm — it says 6 is much like 2. Sorry.

  2. 2 On November 3rd, 2007, GrannyJ said:

    Hey there — want me to name one??? Dare you.

  3. 3 On November 4th, 2007, sara said:

    I haven’t commented in ages, but I’m thinking that some of her problem may still be the move. Kids take longer to process and work out big upheavals in their lives and maybe she’s still working it out?

    I have a terrible, terrible two so I can empathize. I’m hoping you see more of Miss Jekyll very soon.

  4. 4 On November 4th, 2007, carosgram said:

    All mothers of 5/6 year olds have had the same hopes, come to believe it will pass and it does until the girl child turns 12/13. That makes 5/6 look wonderfully peaceful.

  5. 5 On November 4th, 2007, noreen said:

    Oh they do grow up okay, but it takes a lot out of the parents. My own mom used to refer to her children as “street angels, house hellions.” As long as this behavior isn’t going on out in the community you’ve got nothing to worry about but your own sanity. Hang in there.

  6. 6 On November 4th, 2007, Julie Pippert said:

    I was warned!

    Do you ever watch that show Damages? The lawyer makes the girl sign the card, “I was warned?”

    I was. My sister said, HA to 2. HA HA to 3, and BEWARE OF SIX. I was skeptical (suffering 3 at the time as I was) and now, at six? Holy mother Mary help me please.

    Sassy Snotty Six it’s known as and for good reason.

    You made it through 3, K, and you’ll make it through 6 and you’ll see the lovely girl. You haven’t failed.

    But oh how I empathize. I have the same thing (love street angel/house hellion).

    Yesterday P SQUASHED my hat just because I wouldn’t let her do a not okay thing. OMFS. I spent the rest of the soccer game venting to my sister. Who just listened.

    You are not alone. And she’s in a Phase.

    Julie
    Using My Words

  7. 7 On November 4th, 2007, Jean said:

    Okay, you might hate me for this but to be brutally frank - you have a brat of your own making. Squirts need strict rules and lines of do’s and don’ts with no buts and or’s with lots of love thrown in.In school and at gymnastics there are rules that she must adher to. She soon knowns the ropes and that makes her feel safe. If she sometimes has to obay and sometimes gets her own way she loses that feeling of security and turns into a monster. She’s asking for your help. The key to it all is she is a “good” child at school, etc. but not always at home. The time is now before she becomes a monster permenantly all the time.

    You are not alone. Your case is very typical of getting such a cute sweetie as the first and only child.

    Good luck.

  8. 8 On November 5th, 2007, Lauri said:

    Just offering my support and a big hug…. I was hoping that this would get better by age six. We are having similar snippy, sassy, whiney and general fussy pants over here at not- yet- even- three- yet. YIKES

    I often find myself wracking my brain wondering where did I go wrong.I have tried so hard and yet I am raising a stinker. I always thought my child would be a reflection of my stellar parenting.

    Hang in there & let us know how things improve and any helpful tactics. Us Moms have to stick together

  9. 9 On November 5th, 2007, ezfez said:

    not a mom, but offering you best wishes! the residual-anger-over-moving sounds plausible to me. and i’ll side with omega dotter for a moment and say there’s no special reason for us “only dotters” to be any more prone to being spoiled/selfish/whatever than anyone else. life’s tough, and it sounds like six is especially tough.

  10. 10 On November 5th, 2007, Jan said:

    Delurking to agree with Noreen. What you need to pay attention to is what others in her community say about her. Teachers, daycare providers, moms. Is she getting invited back to friends houses? If yes, then she is a joy to have over. (Do you have kids to your house that are brats?) Trust me, you rather have this behaviour at home then at school. Try this, when she is sassy or whiney simply tug on your ear and say, “Huh, what? I can’t understand you?”

  11. 11 On November 5th, 2007, Miss Cellania said:

    It has begun. You’ve already taught her to walk and talk and clean herself, so she thinks she knows everything. You’ve essentially handed off the book learnin’ to schools, as is our culture’s system. The next few years you’ll be concentrating on teaching her right from wrong, how to treat people, how to make her own decisions, and who to not trust. In other words, how the real world works. She won’t want to learn, because she already knows everything. It will seem like a long hard lesson, but before you know it, she’ll be a teenager and won’t listen at all.

    If she’s anything like my girls.

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