Comments on: Everyone is speeeecial

By: A Brief Take on “I Don’t Know” at www.matthewktabor.com : Education and School Issues, News and Analysis

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 20:57:17 +0000

[...] a response with an admission that undermines its certainty and uses a justification of its value based simply on the fact that it has been thought can become as much of a destructive crutch as “I don’t [...]

By: Special is as special does at Joanne Jacobs

Special is as special does at Joanne Jacobs — Sat, 08 Sep 2007 21:53:46 +0000

[...] who’s trying to get her daughter to tone down the ‘tude, was appalled by the “I Am Special” song taught in kindergarten. “I am special” goes beyond telling kids it’s OK to be [...]

By: Miss Cellania

Miss Cellania — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 12:47:50 +0000

Oh yeah. The self-esteem movement is great ONLY for kids who have none. I had to work on that early, because my kids have security issues. But there has to be a dose of tough love, too. The message I’m trying to send is Yeah, I love you. I will always love you. You will always be special to me. But I’m your Mama, your rock and your security. You’re gonna have to deal with the rest of the world, and that’s all up to you. How special you are will depend on how you treat people, how much effort you put in, and how well you learn your lessons about how the world works.

By: carosgram

carosgram — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 22:58:39 +0000

Oh, Omegamom, I love ya. And now I am going over to Amazon and order that book. Thanks for giving me a new reference source

By: Val

Val — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 20:19:56 +0000

I agree with you 100%. And I see the results of this “I’m special” attitude every time I’m in Wal-Mart.
I ordered that book off Amazon. Thanks for the scoop.
Good luck getting settled in. Unpacking is loads of fun!!!

By: Sister Carrie

Sister Carrie — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 16:41:29 +0000

Bravo. I completely agree with you. And I also appreciate what a tough spot you are in, helping your girl adjust to a big move at the same time you are trying to maintain your family values. Hang in there.

By: Gawdess

Gawdess — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 15:43:14 +0000

Punished by Rewards is another interesting book and so is How To Talk To Kids So Kids Will Listen….

I really believe in fostering self esteem in kids, I think it is a big deal. My youngest came to us with a huge problem, learned stupidity. Trying to help her unlearn that is really hard for all of us, but watching her figure things out on her own and realize that she can…is amazing.

By: GrannyJ

GrannyJ — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 04:19:53 +0000

M’gawd, you learned your lessons well! I couldn’t have said it better.

By: lizard

lizard — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 03:22:59 +0000

I requested the book from the library already. There is a waiting list. I am not surprised, and I am pleased.

I watch for the relentless overpraising– we have some friends who I simply adore, but their kid really likes to perform because everything is greeted with such overwhelming enthusiasm from her parents. Now, she is a people-pleaser and likes to perform no matter, and so this is likely a case of both things feeding off the other, but it feels like too much to me most of the time. The kid will brag about doing something routine– going potty, for example, when I am telling my kid to go before we leave the house and she doesn’t want to– and I look at her and say “I am not going to congratulate you for going potty or breathing, either”– and she looks so shocked.

I am trying to figure out how not to always praise the end result, but more the effort. And to do small praise, without everytyhing being So! Totally! Fabulous!

It is hard. Hard. Hard. But I completely agree with you on self esteem– it means so much more when it comes from inside, when they are proud because they know they just did the really hard thing. Not just for breathing.

By: wannallamanow

wannallamanow — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 03:14:19 +0000

Special is the person who knows why ski racks are scary.