31st August 2007

Doing better?

posted in Uncategorized |

Wednesday, the dotter climbed into my lap again when I picked her up.  Thursday, however…no climbing into laps, and when she said, mournfully, “I had a bad day again today,” I could tell by the subtleties of the tone that it was not a serious mournfulness.  

I slanted the Hairy Eyeball at her in the mirror.  She busted up giggling.

So, still no buddies at after care, no buddies at school, but I think (maybe) she is settling in a bit, and beginning to recognize people, so is feeling a bit better.

The commentary about teachers and aftercare workers helping the kiddos get to know each other was good–and, lo and behold, the next day, when I went to pick up the dotter, Miss Mary at aftercare was going around the room with all the kids, having them call out their names loudly so that everyone could hear.  I’m feeling very hopeful about the aftercare place.  And each day a different kid gets chosen as Mrs. Shoetree’s helper of the day, and the dotter knows that child’s name, so it’s helping the kids get to know each other.

Playgroupy-ness must needs wait until we’re in the house. (Will we ever get in the house??  Must be optimistic.  Must be optimistic.)  One nice thing about the house is its close proximity to school, so I can scooch over there during my “lunch hour” to check with school secretaries, leave notes for Mrs. Footrace, maybe eat with the dotter, maybe volunteer some.

One thing I’ve noticed that may take some getting used to for me is that all the moms are much younger.  (You’re supposed to read that particular line in a mournful tone.)

We ran into a family with a daughter from China while we were at the State Fair; this family is in Big City.  Which reminded us that Big City has an FCC chapter.  Big City also has–not fair!–a Mandarin immersion program!  Whoa.  But, alas, Big City is 35 miles away.  Close enough for Friday night Mandarin classes (also offered), and monthly meetings and suchlike.

Of course, the social awkwardness of a new school is compounded, as y’all said, by being new in state, the upheaval of the move, and our (as Carosgram labeled it) “inappropriate guilt”.  And the smallness of the Shoebox.  We are all getting on each others’ nerves, and the dotter really really needs to be able to settle down, which will help with the confidence level…just having her own “stuff” around her when she’s home will help.

Thanks everyone for the good ideas and the sympathy.  It hit me out of the blue, that the dotter might have difficulties, and I was feeling sad for her and guilty that I hadn’t realized it beforehand–all the suggestions and commentary has helped a great deal!  Y’all are Good Eggs, y’know?

This entry was posted on Friday, August 31st, 2007 at 5:07 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

There are currently 5 responses to “Doing better?”

  1. 1 On August 31st, 2007, Lizard said:

    I m glad that OD is now starting to joke. She will be the first to really settle, you know.
    Um, when I suggested play dates, I meant something a bit bolder than “we live in a shoebox, want to come play there and see the float planes land?” Something more along the lines of “hi, we’re new, know nobody, and are living in a shoebox until we close on our new house. Please please let me and my kid come to your house to play and I promise I will bring the coffee and doughnuts”

    And I love the new masthead. Wow.

  2. 2 On September 1st, 2007, Sandybee said:

    I have taught for over 35 years, most of which as been in Kinder. I have taught in the inner city where the door is revolving with children either entering or exiting all year long and there is always a ‘new child.’ I am now in a more stable part of our suburb in So Cal, where a new student is the exception. But, here are a few generalizations that I have discovered that might help:

    1. It takes children about 2 weeks to adjust to going to school whether they come in at the beginning of the year or in the middle of the semester. In my class this year, 1/2 of the kids knew each other from pre-school and the small community where the school is–the others didn’t know anyone.

    2. There are one heck of a lot of rules and routines kinders have to learn out the chute during the first days of school. Classroom routines, recess routines, lunch routines, playground routines, etc and all the routines have rules to go along with them. It’s a lot for a child of 4 or 5 to have to learn and learn quickly. I keep a page of items I need to teach them on the first day. It’s amazing that we have time to actually ‘do something’ other than listen to me tell them about the rules. But the key is that word routine. Doing the same things the same way every day leads to confidence and then independence. When a child is confident in what they are supposed to do and how to do it, making friends becomes easier.

    3. EVERY child tells me at some point in the year that they have no friends and nobody likes them. I have seen children play quite happily all day long and then tell me that no one likes them. Most of the time they are looking for reassurance/attention from me, or they are tired. Kinder can be hard as seen through their eyes. Most of the time I give them a quick hug, a listening ear, and perhaps an alternate activity to try. I also keep a stuffed bear around that the kids can tell their troubles to. I tell them that “Miss B.” and I have tea every day after school and she tells me their troubles and together we troubleshoot them. Hey, it works for me.

    4. Volunteering is wonderful if you can fit it into your schedule. You will get to know the other children, too. You will also get a chance to see interactions between kids for yourself. A child’s perception of how things are going is usually based on a single event of the day rather than looking at the whole picture, if you know what I mean.

    5. As a teacher, I am not allowed to give out family phone numbers for play dates due to privacy issues. But, the room mother might be able to if permission is given in writing.

    6. Join the PTA. Also, most schools also have a parent advisory group of some sort in addition to the PTA. The more involved you are, the more families you will meet.

    Sorry. I’m probably telling you things you already know. I really don’t mean to lecture. I give my parents a 10 page booklet on things they might want to know about school. If you can’t tell, I’m verbal.

    I’ve always felt that there should be a rule for parents: Being a parent will be easy. However, there is no such rule. Kids don’t come with an instruction booklet. Do not beat yourself up over things you cannot control. Your child will in all probability be just fine given time. Trust me. Kids, for the most part, are much more flexible and adaptable than we think.

    As for me, I come home and find that 6:30pm is past my bed time. Being in kinder is a lot of work for everyone….especially in a class of 13 boys and 6 girls! I have got some pesky boys this year.

    Have a great school year!

  3. 3 On September 1st, 2007, SBird said:

    I can’t wait for you all to get out of that shoebox and into a place that feels like home, comfy, secure, and YOURS.

  4. 4 On September 2nd, 2007, Miss Cellania said:

    Careful now. If you mention that 35 miles is too far to drive your kid to school everyday, those folks who drive three hours to work and stop for coffee several times are gonna look at you funny!

  5. 5 On September 4th, 2007, omegamom said:

    Lizard–Oh, yeah, I know she’ll settle in. As for the boldness–eep! I am not bold. Not at all. I guess I need to work on that?

    Sandybee–Thank you so much for your outlook from the teacher’s side! You’re very reassuring. Volunteering is definitely one of the things I’ve been thinking of, and I had no idea that I’d be able to get phone #s from a room mom.

    SBird–Aw, thanks!

    Miss C.–Har! The thought of driving the dotter off to school 35 miles each way every day is…um…hairraising. ;)

Leave a Reply