The Long Goodbye: I didn’t cry
posted in OmegaDotter, The Move |
Sunday afternoon, we were tired, it was raining, I just wanted to get things done, and the dotter was saying, “I’m hungry. I’m thirsty.” Multiple times. So I thought about it, and said to her, “Okay, what we’re going to do is we’re going to load up the car, drive down to Grandma Julie’s, and then I’m going to turn right around, come back, and finish cleaning up.”
Um.
That went over like a lead balloon.
Her eyes welled up. She started sobbing quietly. Then she started howling. She leaned against me and begged me, “Don’t leave me alone! Don’t go! I’ll be quiet!”
Multiple times. Louder and louder. More and more. Until she had worked herself up into hysterics.
So, we ended up packing the rental car, leaving a bunch of stuff undone, and heading down the hill.
Monday, I felt like someone had run over me with one of those pavement rollers…but by late afternoon, I mentioned to the dotter, once again, that I was going to have to go up the hill to finish cleaning the house.
Her eyes welled up. She started weeping. Then she started sobbing. She leaned against me and begged me (again), “Don’t leave me alone! Please! Don’t go! I won’t say I’m hungry! I won’t say I’m thirsty! I can help clean! Please don’t go!”
And worked herself up into another set of hysterics. This one so bad that she ended up finally falling asleep in the midst of the hysterics, catching her breath in a tired sob in the middle of her sleep every few minutes.
Tuesday, I had to do it. By the time I got out the door, she was screaming, and trying to break away from Grandma Julie.
Let me put it bluntly: She’s absolutely freaked by the entire move. She’s terrified of being abandoned.
So I drove up the hill, more concerned with the dotter than I was with myself, which is a good thing. Because when I finally finished cleaning out every last little thing, and took one last look at the house we’ve lived in for nine years, I didn’t cry.
I cried on Saturday. At lunch with OmegaDad, I suddenly started weeping out of the blue, tears leaking out of my eyes. At dinner with OD and the dotter, once again, I just started weeping.
But when I turned around and took this last picture of the empty house, I didn’t cry. I took the picture, closed the door, locked it (yes! We found the house keys! After 8.5 years of not needing keys due to the dawg, it was a miracle we found those damned things!), walked out to the rental car, and drove away…I didn’t cry.
