Comments on: Mulling the process http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/ A "good enough" mom muses about alpha moms, adoption, computers, the State Of The World, Internet quirkiness, and the Kosmik All Thu, 18 Mar 2010 03:13:42 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.1 By: millie http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/#comment-1790 millie Sat, 21 Apr 2007 21:00:32 +0000 http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/#comment-1790 I found my way over here from beagle and mel and others and just wanted to chime in (late) and say how much I loved this post. I'm just starting the adoption process myself and wanted to thank you for this post. I look forward to becoming a regular reader. I found my way over here from beagle and mel and others and just wanted to chime in (late) and say how much I loved this post. I’m just starting the adoption process myself and wanted to thank you for this post. I look forward to becoming a regular reader.

]]> By: mischief http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/#comment-1786 mischief Thu, 19 Apr 2007 18:17:38 +0000 http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/#comment-1786 Glad I ran into your blog today. I can relate to so many of the emotions that you've so eloquently expressed. But the catch is that I see this from a different angle - I'm a birthmom. My daughter is 21, has a baby, and we are getting ready to meet this summer. We talk on the phone about once a week now. It helps me to read about adoption from another perspective. My deepest thanks. Glad I ran into your blog today. I can relate to so many of the emotions that you’ve so eloquently expressed. But the catch is that I see this from a different angle - I’m a birthmom. My daughter is 21, has a baby, and we are getting ready to meet this summer. We talk on the phone about once a week now. It helps me to read about adoption from another perspective. My deepest thanks.

]]> By: DementedM http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/#comment-1781 DementedM Tue, 17 Apr 2007 19:38:29 +0000 http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/#comment-1781 Very nice post. I am very interested in adoption, but my father and brother (both adopted) have struggled so with issues surrounding their adoptions well into adulthood that it has given my husband and I pause. Love we've got, but it's not enough for some adopted children. We are not confident, at this time, that our parenting skills are up to snuff (especially as we hope to adopt older children) and we've decided to postpone adoption for the time being. But I continue to read up on the subject and, as you say, think about it. For us, the transition period will be quite long I think. M Very nice post. I am very interested in adoption, but my father and brother (both adopted) have struggled so with issues surrounding their adoptions well into adulthood that it has given my husband and I pause. Love we’ve got, but it’s not enough for some adopted children. We are not confident, at this time, that our parenting skills are up to snuff (especially as we hope to adopt older children) and we’ve decided to postpone adoption for the time being.

But I continue to read up on the subject and, as you say, think about it. For us, the transition period will be quite long I think.

M

]]> By: Ellen K. http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/#comment-1773 Ellen K. Mon, 16 Apr 2007 14:03:53 +0000 http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/#comment-1773 I also found my way here through Beagle's link. This is an excellent post. Thank you. I also found my way here through Beagle’s link. This is an excellent post. Thank you.

]]> By: thalia http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/#comment-1761 thalia Sat, 14 Apr 2007 12:37:24 +0000 http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/#comment-1761 Thank you, I think post captures precisely what I was feeling about this. Poor Julie really got hammered, for just trying to articulate the difficulty others have with this situation, too. Thank you, I think post captures precisely what I was feeling about this.
Poor Julie really got hammered, for just trying to articulate the difficulty others have
with this situation, too.

]]> By: starfish http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/#comment-1759 starfish Sat, 14 Apr 2007 01:28:26 +0000 http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/#comment-1759 Perfectly written. It's the thinking that counts. As I wrote to Julie, getting off of one rollercoaster and getting on another is no easy thing - of course you have to think about it. We become so defined by our infertility that it's hard to envision ourselves anything else...happy, let alone an actual bonafide mother. Awesome. Thanks. Your opinion is respected out here and I'm glad people will read your words. Perfectly written. It’s the thinking that counts. As I wrote to Julie, getting off of one rollercoaster and getting on another is no easy thing - of course you have to think about it. We become so defined by our infertility that it’s hard to envision ourselves anything else…happy, let alone an actual bonafide mother.

Awesome. Thanks. Your opinion is respected out here and I’m glad people will read your words.

]]> By: K http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/#comment-1758 K Sat, 14 Apr 2007 00:19:45 +0000 http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/#comment-1758 Got here by way of Beagle's blog, and just wanted to say thanks for such a thoughtful post. It's quite timely, for me personally, that this 'kerfuffle' is happening just now, as I have only just begun to consider adoption and all of it's complex issues. I'm feeling way into it, and am grateful for all of this thought provoking discussion. Got here by way of Beagle’s blog, and just wanted to say thanks for such a thoughtful post.
It’s quite timely, for me personally, that this ‘kerfuffle’ is happening just now, as I have only just begun to consider adoption and all of it’s complex issues. I’m feeling way into it, and am grateful for all of this thought provoking discussion.

]]> By: Barely Sane http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/#comment-1757 Barely Sane Fri, 13 Apr 2007 23:37:37 +0000 http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/#comment-1757 I've never seen your site before today but I am aware of the ruckus out in blogland. I just needed to post to you though and say "VERY VERY VERY well put!" Hopefully this can help us all get to the calm after the storm. I’ve never seen your site before today but I am aware of the ruckus out in blogland.

I just needed to post to you though and say “VERY VERY VERY well put!” Hopefully this can help us all get to the calm after the storm.

]]> By: SBird http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/#comment-1756 SBird Fri, 13 Apr 2007 20:14:50 +0000 http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/#comment-1756 I was going to write a post about the kerfuffle on my blog, even though it violates my no-substantive posts right now rule, but I'm not sure I'll get around to it. I just want quickly to say that what I have a problem with, I think, is the notion of <i>process</i>...not the "process of adoption" and not the "process of IVF treatments" in and of themselves, both of which I have some hard-won experience with. What I resent is the assumption that there is a continuum that always moves FROM IVF treatments TO adoption...and not, for instance, the other way around. In fact, it sounds almost comical to write out that latter idea, 'first, you adopt, and, then, you move on to IVF. And if you can't wrap your head around the idea of having biological children, you should really take some time off after adopting, or pursue counseling before you undertake the next step of the process and try to get pregnant.' Sounds funny, if not ridiculous, doesn't it? But...why? We've arranged our language, and thus our thinking, into a neat, little paradigm that situates adoption as a secondary or tertiary experience--even when we embrace and celebrate it. That way of talking and thinking further locks us in. When we ask questions about why our culture approaches adoption with suspicion and mere tolerance, perhaps we would do better to explore ways to upend our language cart, to resist all the ways we're co-opted by the very language we choose to describe our choices in life. I was going to write a post about the kerfuffle on my blog, even though it violates my no-substantive posts right now rule, but I’m not sure I’ll get around to it.

I just want quickly to say that what I have a problem with, I think, is the notion of process…not the “process of adoption” and not the “process of IVF treatments” in and of themselves, both of which I have some hard-won experience with. What I resent is the assumption that there is a continuum that always moves FROM IVF treatments TO adoption…and not, for instance, the other way around. In fact, it sounds almost comical to write out that latter idea, ‘first, you adopt, and, then, you move on to IVF. And if you can’t wrap your head around the idea of having biological children, you should really take some time off after adopting, or pursue counseling before you undertake the next step of the process and try to get pregnant.’ Sounds funny, if not ridiculous, doesn’t it?

But…why?

We’ve arranged our language, and thus our thinking, into a neat, little paradigm that situates adoption as a secondary or tertiary experience–even when we embrace and celebrate it. That way of talking and thinking further locks us in. When we ask questions about why our culture approaches adoption with suspicion and mere tolerance, perhaps we would do better to explore ways to upend our language cart, to resist all the ways we’re co-opted by the very language we choose to describe our choices in life.

]]> By: Mel http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/#comment-1755 Mel Fri, 13 Apr 2007 19:36:27 +0000 http://omegamom.com/2007/04/12/mulling-the-process/#comment-1755 This is such a gorgeous post. You've given me so much to think about today. And, as you write, thinking is a good thing. This is such a gorgeous post. You’ve given me so much to think about today. And, as you write, thinking is a good thing.

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