SpaceMom–I think that the anger she is describing is more in the past, an anger that occupied her as an adolescent. That, and the fact that many, many people who adopt or conceive via donor simply don’t give much thought to the *person* who is the result.

Julie–I think, given your background with IF, you probably did some research into adoption, right? That sort of puts you into the “inside” camp…

Mamasan–Nope, you haven’t missed anything! I switched it (nice and easy with stylesheets, woohoo!) yesterday.

“Love is not tied to biology–most people find someone (or multiple someones) to love in their lives who are not tied to them in any way biologically. You can love a child wildly and deeply even though you have no “blood ties”. But I had the luxury of knowing that “place” in the world, that set of physical, emotional, biological traits that are so comfortable they fit like an old shoe. Why should having my dotter want to find someone who fills in some of those gaps make me–or others–feel that she doesn’t love me? That the natural urge to fill in some missing pieces means that she’s bitter or angry?”

What confused me was her anger over the situation. I am not saying her feelings are invalid. Obviously she feels them so they are valid, but is it a case of a young person who is still immature in the sense of wanting a completeness that others have just because she doesn’t? I am not wording this right, but somehow it it came across that she missed her father only in that others had fathers. Not that she missed her father in his own right. Does that make sense?

I have two adopted cousins. One has found her bio family, one doesn’t care. Each deals in their own way and neither way is right or wrong…