OmegaMom

Mrs. Figby recently posted her Top 10 Fashion Tips for Women 30+.

I read the list and winced.

I, it seems, am a walking fashion disaster.

10.  I wear yoga pants, knit pants, and sweats on a regular basis.  I am neither 10 pounds underweight (sigh), nor do I have “taut, round buttocks” (Shrek 2), alas.  But comfort reigns supreme in the Omega Household!

9.  I was going to say “I’m good here”, but then I realized…while I don’t wear Uggs, I wear cheap imitation Uggs purchased from Costco.  While I don’t wear Crocs, I wear cheap imitation Crocs from Target to work in the garden sometimes, but they make my feet sweat.  (Do real Crocs make your feet sweat?  If so, I will never wear them.)

8.  My socks rarely match my pants.  They always match my top.  I think it’s fun and funky, and I make a point of it.

7.  Whew.  I get off on this one–I haven’t worn a miniskirt in more years than I am willing to mention.  Anyone who went through the angst-ridden adolescent years during the period in which there were no other types of skirts to be purchased knows exactly what I mean.  Walking up stairs in high school in a miniskirt with obnoxious loud-mouthed hormonal teen boys following behind you is one reason why.  Filing papers in the bottom drawer of a four-drawer file cabinet in an office full of mid-40’s salesmen is reason #2.

6.  I wear leggings sometimes.  Comfort, again.

5.  All the wrap dresses I have seen in stores are ugly and I have sworn I will never own one.  Ah, well, at least they are better than the Marcia Brady styles that were so popular two years ago!  My favorite style of dress is a princess-seam.  (Yes, it’s a Laura Ashley.  So sue me.)  If you’ve got a waist, fer cryin’ out loud, show it off.

4.  I don’t have big boobs, but they do, on occasion, come across billowy and pillowy.  Nonetheless, I wear turtlenecks a lot.  Like almost every day.

3.  Ah!  Another one I am home-free on!  I can’t wear capris.  They make my bulgy calves look extra bulgy.

2.  Now this one I am in complete agreement with:

Only wear clothes you feel great in. Likewise, when shopping, only buy clothes that make you feel great. If you feel great, chances are you look great.

In fact, if I were giving out fashion advice, this would be the one and only piece of advice needed.  I’d make it number one, but Mrs. Figby has an agenda, revealed by her number one piece of fashion advice…

1.  Gasp.  Shudder.  Horror of horrors–I wear “mom jeans”.  All.  The.  Time.  Because they feel comfy.  Admittedly, no acid-wash stuff passes the portals of the Omega Household.  What’s worse is that a big butt and hefty thighs coupled with a small waist mean that the solution is (1) buy elastic waist jeans; (2) buy jeans that fit the butt and thighs, but not the waist; or (3) buy custom-made jeans.  Because no manufacturer in the world (that I know of) makes off-the-shelf jeans that fit the Victorian model of female physique comfortably.

And comfort is what makes OmegaMom a happy camper.

(Now, Mrs. Figby, this is not to be taken as a flame–just a rueful admission that OmegaMom is far from fashionable!  Read it all with a wink!)

OmegaMom (lookin’ good!) and Dotter (grimacing) at the recent Christmas Craft Fair, showing off the lack of fashion:

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