OmegaMom

Who would have thought that “gross feet” was such a popular search term? However, I don’t think I can really help the person who had the existential question, “Why do people have ugly toes?”

I have no idea why “ice cream social tradewinds elementary 2006″ landed a hit on my blog, but it sounds like a great idea. Anyone up for an ice cream social?

I have no good advice for the person asking about “maintaining internet friendships”. Perhaps, rather than searching on the question, you should just…um…talk to your internet friends?

I am deeply offended that “moms not looking good in photos” got a hit. Is this some commentary Google is making on my pics? On the other hand, I also got a Google hit on the very generic search “beauty”. Excuse me while I simper.

To the person who searched on “blue ink grade school copier what was the machine called”, I can only reply with another greatly popular search term: “ditto machine”.

I don’t want to know anything about “christy gets a hairbrush spanking”. If it’s any of the Christies I know, I really don’t wanna know. Y’know?

You would be amazed at the number of people who get bugs in their broccoli; it appears to be much more common than I had thought. Johnny’s answer was “pesticides”; mine is still “drown the bastards!”

Yesterday evening the phone rang. I was in another room, and dashed to get it, thinking it was OmegaDad.

OmegaDotter got it first.

“Hello?”

“Um…My daddy’s not home.”

(Cringe. Teach dotter to not say that.)

“But you can talk to my mom–she’s really nice!”

Dotter hands me the phone. It’s a telemarketer, very amused to be talking to the “really nice” lady.

I’m not taking the “really nice” too much to heart (oh, yeah, if you believe that, I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you!) because that morning, the dotter had informed me that I was ugly. I didn’t take that one too much to heart, either, because she was giggling madly as she said it. Half an hour later, at school, she informed K’s mom that she “looked really pretty today!”, which K’s mom had to tell me all about because it was “so sweet!”

Anyway. While I was working on the dotter’s fingernails, and she was squirming and dancing and jumping and being, generally, a PITA when it comes to getting fingernail polish on, we worked on telephone etiquette.

My example: “Hello, this is the S. residence, OmegaDotter speaking. May I help you?”

Her echo: “Hello, this is the…um…reffimum, OmegaDotter mumph. Help you?”

We tried a few more times. This may take a while.